Paradox
by Colorslander
Summary: The life of Shana isn't as easy as everyone makes it out to be. When the events of the past binds her to the sorrow of the future, Shana has only one solution... *dark*


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Paradox

By Silent Shadow

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A/N: this is a pro Shana-centric story I wrote, since Shana bashing seems the be the trend of the LOD world. I admire Shana a lot as a character so I wanted to write something about her.

Warning, there are no happy fluffy bunnies or warm fuzzy feelings you get from this story. It's kind of dark, hope you enjoy it. Legend of the Dragoons, Shana, or any other character are not owned by me.

An elated cry filled the air as both winglies and humans alike danced underneath the star lit sky. The moon that never sets has disappeared from view, but the candles scattered about the town made it easy to look around.

Fireworks shot up and blossomed in the dark sky, a thrill passed through the people as they watched the winglie-made-fire glare with a certain beauty. And excited hush came above the crowd as King Albert and Princess Emille marched hand in hand. Behind them, five proud warriors strutted with a unique confidence.

Dart, the unofficial leader of the group, walked with a fiery passion and overwhelming presence.

Miranda, cool but tense, a no-nonsense attitude. She looked warily at the crowd while she made powerful strides to prove she was strong as any man.

Haschel, with his arms behind him and a slouch. He was laid back and friendly.

Kongol, looking slightly confused but appreciative. Strength was accented in all his muscles as he slowly walked behind the rest.

Meru had decided instead to ride on Kongol's shoulders. She was a petite but happy-go-lucky child and vigorously waved at the crowd, obviously liking the attention.

There was one very unenthusiastic woman walking with them. She was a small lovely woman, hardly passing off as a warrior, but she had a keen eye and a willpower to match Dart's. But you could not see that as she walked behind King Albert, instead she looked uncharacteristically sulky. Her name was Shana.

Shana was as lovely as the rest. Her skin was milky white and her soft hair was tied up into a bun. But today her beauty seemed shadowed by something else, a growing gloom of Shana's normally optimistic and happy personality. Shana was depressed.

The crowd, however, was undaunted by Shana and began to cheer excitedly as the warriors made their way to their tables. Shana sat in the seat farthest from the crowd, she wasn't in the mood to see Dart's worshipers tonight. Dart himself sat next to Shana, he slid an arm around her waste and kissed her on the cheek in an affectionate sort of way.

Shana did nothing in return and Dart sighed and returned his attention on to his friends. She wasn't in the mood for anyone, not even Dart. She rested her elbows on the table and but her hands to her head. She fiddled with a yellow gold band that rested on her left ring finger, the ring that bound her with Dart for the rest of their lives.

She still remembered the day she received it.

Soon after Dart had saved her they returned to Seles to help rebuild what was lost to them. It was hard work but Shana felt content working side by side with Dart doing something constructive instead of killing Virages and the like.

It could have been a better day, the sky was blue, not a cloud in sight, and the sun shown with a warmth that a mother gave to her child. Shana looked above as the workers began to build the roof of the house, with the help of Dart of course. 

Truth be told she loved seeing Dart work then anything else. He seemed so natural doing it, and every job he did, he used fluid, powerful motions, almost graceful yet powerful.

Shana smiled to herself, she could only imagine what Dart would do if she had ever told him he looked graceful.

Dart was drawn to Shana's giggle, a nice interruption of the usual hammering and sweating grunts of his fellow re-builders. He jumped down from the roof to greet her, landing on his feet without a scratch like a cat.

"Shana" he grinned putting his arm around her, "What do you think?"

"What do I think," she pretended to wrinkle her nose and snort, "I think you smell like a wet dog. You better get your arm off me!"

He laughed and pulled her closer good-naturedly. Despite his stickiness, Shana rested her head on his shoulder; she always enjoyed being close to him.

"These are the kind of days that you wish would never end," he said sighing. Shana gave him a 'look.' She never knew him to be so poetic.

"Yes, I suppose so…" Maybe he was sick?

"Just makes you wonder if there is a way to always have days like this," he said wistfully.

Pause.

Blink.

Shana knew something was up, she knew all of Dart's habits and mannerisms. He was about to get at something; she leaned into him brimming with curiosity.

"What are you trying to say Dart," she urged, Dart had laughed nervously.

"You know me too well," he said. Shana noticed that everyone stooped working to stare at them.

"It's a gift," she thunked him on the head, "Or, because of some things that run through your mind, a curse."

He took a deep breath, "But not enough for you to guess what I'm about to do next."

"?" _What is he doing?_

Dart, in all his griminess and sweat, kneeled down and took Shana's hand in his own. He stared intently at her eyes, "Shana…"

She could barely hear him because there was a loud rapid thumping noise. It took her awhile to realize it was her heart beating. Still nothing could deafen her to the question he was about to ask.

"Will you…"

*thunk thunk*

"Marry me…"

The world stopped. She was dead, she was in heaven. Or in a dream, however if this wasn't real then it might as well be a nightmare. Shana's face turned ashen and her body stiffened.

"Shana?" Dart's voice was washed with concern.

"_Yes_" her mind began to scream, her mouth moved but nothing came out.

"Is that a yes?"

Shana threw her arms around him and tightly embraced him, tears of joy flowed down her cheeks. There was only two people in the world right now, Dart and her. She didn't even hear the thunderous cheers of the town.

Dart took that as a yes.

She kissed her ring; her feelings for Dart haven't changed a day since. But the reality of her former life had shown her how harsh the past can be. Even with Virage of her destroyed, she was still the shell of a Moon Child. In her where her blood flows, is the instinct of a killer.

She hadn't even told Dart of the things that run in her mind. The evil it beckons her. The spite it speaks for those who dare walk on this uncleansed world. It was maddening, but she was able to overcome it with the support of her friends.

But is still plagued her. Before Shana, a Moon Child had never passed it's infancy stage; special thanks to Rose for that. Reproducing for Shana was not a subject one should even think about, who knows the repercussions of her doing so!

Shana and Dart had taken the extra measures of sleeping in separate beds and leaving the room whenever they had an… urge. It was annoying.

"Mr. Dart!" a small well-figured woman walked up to him, big blue eyes shinning in adoration. The woman was in fact, most attractive. Fine chiseled features, dainty skin, long glowing hair, "My name is Adrána! Nice to meet you!"

Dart smiled and shook her hand. Shana took notice where his eyes lingered on her face and his hand held longer then he should have. As if he realized what he was going he pulled his hand away from her and looked away in shame. He gave a quick, "Hello" and started another conversation elsewhere.

Adrána looked a bit put out but Haschel quickly took her into his hands.

Dart stole a quick glance at Shana to see if she noticed his obvious flirting, and she pretended not for his sake. She supposes you really couldn't blame him. They could never do the things other lovers do. They could never get too close, never act on impulses, and never get lost in the moment. It was only natural Dart would feel these sentiments to another.

Shana took a furious bite of her food.

She wasn't angry at Dart as much as she was at herself. She knew that Dart and her's love was not going to crumble because of lack of physical contact, and she knew that Dart would never betray her willingly. Nevertheless, she also knew she was causing the relationship emotional strain.

Sometimes she thought it would be easier just to give up altogether, let this relationship and the memory of each other fade away. Dart, of course, would never allow that. He had too much honor to just break apart with Shana, was honor or foolishness, she did not know.

"I'm going to mingle," he whispered in her ear, "Do you want to join."

"No-no. I'll just watched from here," she could see he was disappointed, "I'll join up with you later."

He nodded and she watched him go with his friends and have fun.

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'Fun'

Hmph. To be honest Shana never really knew when she turned depressed, she just was.

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All those humans, how dare they dance like they where whores! So impure, I should cleanse this world. Destroy this world…

Shana ignored the words that compelled her to do irrational, that was just a taste of what that ran through her head the hours she was awake. She assumed that reaching twenty-one it has finally gotten to her.

She stared at her glass filled to the top of red wine and had the urge to drink it in one gulp. She had to suppress the urge, it was another thinking Dart and she had given up, alcohol screws the brain and lets them be less careful. Never could be too careful…

Shana instead watched Meru and her new husband, what was his name, Guaraha? They where so obviously in love, she was showing him how to dance, and everyone knew Meru danced… sensually at times. Poor Guaraha, he was not ready for this so early leaving of the forest. He was beat read and as rigid and as a rock. Newlyweds, that was a fun time.

She watched princess Lisa flirt with the man she had met, the environmentalist. Shana didn't even try to remember his name, she met so many people during the journey. Technically, he wasn't courting her, but she was as good as taken.

Her eyes moved to the next thing that caught her eye, a poster of all the warriors that fell during battle. Lavitz, Lloyd, Zeig, and Rose.

Rose, the lovely skilled warrior with pale snowy white skin and violet eyes, ebony hair that trailed in the wind, the perfect woman. 

'_If she where here_' Shana mused, '_She'd probably tell us what to do_.' Her eyes glanced at Dart who was currently talking to Albert and Emille. Albert and Emillie, happily married for three years, epitome of a perfect marriage.

The next scene broke her heart.

Prince Albert William the second, barely a month out of Emillie's womb was sleeping peacefully in the arms of his father. Everyone hushed and cooed over the child, wanting to hold the precious being.

Shana began to blink rapidly, forcing the tears back. Her one dream, to be a mother. She didn't care if she became a princess, or saved the world, or had magical powers as a child. She just wanted to have a baby of her own. Irony has is that she has achieved ever other goal but the one that laid deepest in her heart.

A paradox.

Shana took a swig out of her glass, what could one sip hurt?

"Two years, happy twenty-third birthday Shana," she told herself getting up one lazy May morning. Dart had left early for some 'important' business. It was undoubtedly for her a surprise birthday party. She was not in the mood.

She hasn't ever since the party, and what happened after. Shana would begin to cry if she had any tears left to shed. Her hand unconsciously raised to her small stomach, full of nothing.

Not of food, not of child.

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Dear God, would this pain ever go away?

Two years since the party where she had unwittingly gotten drunk, not just her but Dart, also. They arrived home and well, done things that normal married couples did.

Two years since she realized she had gotten pregnant. At first it was like a gift from Soa, she could now have a child. She felt no evil or malice in it, and she was already pregnant so they could do nothing about it, right?

But Albert knew of a way, to kill her child before it was even born. When she heard that she wanted to scream no at the top of her lungs, no one would take this child away. She knew he was good, she could _feel_ his presence.

Two years since she gave them the OK to destroy what was most precious to her. Her heroism wouldn't let her do anything less. Her heroism destroyed her child, and then destroyed her. After the incident, she was unable t recover emotionally.

She wasn't able to look at another child, go to another party, not even to pursue her romance is Dart.

"Sable," she felt a strange bit of comfort naming her unborn child, "Sable I will be coming for you."

Donau the flower city, quite beautiful.

_A pretty flower to cover up the filthiness the humans brought to this world_.

The voice was much louder in her anguish, she wish she could just stop. She will stop it, in a manner of speaking.

She went to the port, it was to early for anyone to be out this spring day. Shana picked up a large rock and dragged it to the edge of the river and tied her wrists to it with a piece of rope, insurance that she would not float up to the surface before she died.

"Death," the phrase seemed to roll of her tongue naturally. She couldn't help but laugh at what the world has created.

Rose, the Black Monster. To humans a symbol of death and destruction, yet in truth she was their savior.

Shana, the Moon Child. A symbol of love and purity, but in the end it was her fate to destroy them.

Shana was in fact a paradox of the world, everything she wanted to achieve was what she was destined to destroy. An extreme paradox like her had no right to be in existence.

A loud splash and frigid water. 

Shana began to fall into the deep water and she opened her mouth to let out the air in her lungs, she watched as the bubbles whirled away from her. Watched her life escape from her.

The voice in her head stopped, and replaced it where memories. Memories of her childhood, memories of Dart, memories of her adventure. She relished the memory of the wedding of her and Dart, a lovely white wedding. Who knew back then that she would end up here?

She knew that even though the Virage counterpart of her was dead, Moon Children would continue to be borne. Looking back at her life she could only pity the soul that became one. Soa has created a never ending cycle of pain. Dying the day she was brought unto this world.

A thought stuck her and she tried to laugh, instead water filled her lungs.

It looked like that Rose wasn't needed to kill a Moon Child off, she was killing herself. Thousands of years of torture and just letting them live would seal their fate. How strong irony is in such a world.

Life is just a paradox.

Shana Marie Neet

She fought fate and became a person of love and dreams.

She lived through tragedy after tragedy bearing a burden by herself.

Let Soa guide her to a more happy life.

May she rest in peace.

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A/N: Wow, that was darker then I thought it would be. Oh well, I had fun writing it. People overlook Shana has a predictable overused character but I didn't see that at all, she isn't as easy a person to analyze as Meru or Rose. You got to think about her awhile.

Yeah Shana is a princess- she is a twin of princess Luvia, who is said in the game later to be the daughter of Queen Theresa. Hmm 0_o Shana is from the same continent of Dart. Strange how things work out.

Paradox was actually a name I was going to give my Shana Shrine, which I never did finish XP. Laziness is a deadly disease.


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